by Heather Riley, RN
The day patients receive negative pregnancy results can be one of the most challenging faced by infertility patients. Feelings of guilt, anger, grief and hopelessness are common.
Many patients dread the day of the pregnancy test feeling almost unable to answer the phone when we call with results. While some patients are able to process the bad news and move on quickly, most feel an overwhelming surge of difficult emotions like sorrow, depression and anger.
Another common response is to question “What did I do to make my cycle unsuccessful?” “Should I have remained on strict bedrest?” “Should I have taken more medication?” “I was so stressed out – I know that’s why I didn’t conceive.”
In reality, elimination of all stress just isn’t possible and bedrest has not been shown to improve pregnancy rates. It is important to remember that patients who are following the protocol set out by their physician are doing everything they can to work towards a successful outcome.
So your news was bad what’s next?
Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. Everyone transitions through the grieving process in unique ways. Some find talking helpful – others do not. Activities they previously enjoyed may be a welcome distraction for some while others cannot imagine doing things that seemed fun in happier times.
Seek support. Some patients mistakenly assume that once they are not pregnant the clinical staff is no longer interested in them or willing to help them. This could not be farther from the truth. The nurses and physicians at Reproductive Care Center realize that often after disappointing news we are needed more then than ever. Spending time with our patients on their journey, we become very attached to them and truly share not only their joy but their disappointment when the results we were all hoping for are not achieved. At Reproductive Care Center we are here to provide emotional support to our patients through all phases of their treatment. Many patients find comfort in friends and family but for some this is a source of additional pain. Surrounding yourself with only those people who are supportive and understanding may be possible at least in the short term. Remember that it is okay to excuse yourself from activities such as baby showers or family gatherings where pregnancies are announced when it is more than you can handle. Seeking professional help with a caring therapist can also provide an excellent outlet for working through the challenging issues that accompany fertility treatment. At Reproductive Care Center we are happy to provide referrals for counseling at any stage of therapy.
Share with your spouse. Remember to keep communicating with your spouse but allow each other the freedom to grieve individually. Men and women often respond to emotional issues in very different ways. Women may want to talk extensively about their experience while men may not want to discuss things as much, preferring to move on more quickly.
Complementary therapies and creative outlets provide a welcome source of comfort for many. Massage, creative visualization, acupuncture, journaling or blogging about your experiences are some of the activities patients have found helpful.
Utilize resources. There are a variety of resources available for fertility patients at every stage of their treatment process. The following websites provide access to information and support materials:
Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve the loss of your dream, then when you are ready to move on make a plan. Moving on may be easier if you feel you have a path to follow. Regardless of whether or not you plan to continue treatment, a follow up appointment with your physician will allow you to plan for further treatment or can help you achieve the closure needed to move on in a healthy way. Appointments are available to follow up at any point in your treatment, and a follow up appointment within 3 months of the IVF cycle is included (in all the prepaid cycle plans) for all unsuccessful IVF cycles at Reproductive Care Center.
The journey through infertility treatment can be a difficult one but it doesn’t have to be one you take alone. Remember to lean on your sources of support whether it’s your family and friends, a caring professional, or one of the staff at Reproductive Care Center.
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